- LIVING THE DREAM collects poetry and short stories about work, love, cities, violence, drugs, sex, traumatic testicle injury, and Abraham Lincoln.
- All the cool kids have read it already. You’re late to the party.
- If you are trapped in the wilderness and need fire to survive, this book can aid you in starting a fire.
- All of the fictional elements in this book are entirely fictional. Everything else happened. Most of it happened. I won’t tell you which things because I don’t want to get sued.
- You can also burn this book to censor it. Please do. Down with Neal Bailey! He’s corrupting the children. This book must be stopped.
- Burn like, twelve copies, I don’t know, whatever. Bye.
An excerpt:
i drilled through my fuckin ding ding
I drilled through my balls today
Lo! The start of another epic poem
Yes friends
I do a lot of stupid shit
But this is the stupidest
Sitting drilling down
Between two joists
Should have known better
But I did not
I screamed when it happened
I yelled
OH SHIT OH FUCK I DRILLED MY FUCKIN’ BALLS OFF!
The boys just laughed, naturally
Thence came a lady’s voice over the fence:
This is a FAMILY NEIGHBORHOOD.
I turned to her
Clutching my bleeding crotch
LADY I DRILLED MY FUCKIN’ NUTS OFF!
I have a CHILD HERE!
She held up her corrupted two-year old
I said
Well maybe your little puke will know what to say now when
HE DRILLS HIS FUCKING BALLS OFF!
You are a NASTY MAN!
Lady
My boss says
Didn’t you hear him?
He DRILLED HIS SACK RIGHT OFF!
She slammed the door
The others laughed
The whole neighborhood knew
Now so do you